“FORTY-FEST” BLOG PART V (The final chapter)

Laura and I finished up our vacation with a day in the Inner Harbor, a trip to Tyson’s Corner Mall and a trip to the University of Maryland (Go Terps!). Suffice to say, this was the best birthday of my life. Yes, there was baseball, great eats, a musical and a theme park, but I was able to spend a few days with my wife, which was the first time since January 16, 2004. That was the night before Brooklyn was born. We have no family in Tennessee so we have had no opportunity to just escape and be ‘Tony and Laura’ at any point. Thank you Becky for helping make this a reality for us! Thanks Grandma and Pap Pap for taking such great care of our girls while we were gone (and Uncle Don and Aunt Kitty and Uncle Mark and Aunt Lisa – thanks!). Thank you all for your birthday emails, facebook comments and myspace wishes as well. I would have sent personal thanks to everyone, but there were over a hundred. I was blown away!!! For the rest of you, my normal blogging will return tomorrow. Finally, thank you Laura!!! You made 40 a wonderful and incomparable celebration for me! It was so nice – like we were dating again. I WILL NEVER FORGET IT! I LOVE YOU!!!

TRIPPIN’ TO MISSOURI

Wednesday I flew from Baltimore to Springfield, Missouri where I was to speak to the students at Second Baptist Church. Ken Goodman picked me up at the airport and shuttled me to the hotel and church. Second Baptist has a huge youth room in the basement of the church where the youth meet called the Summit. Their worship band was superb and the group was eager and receptive from the time I took the stage. I performed the usual tunes in the set (Toast, Waffle House, Going to Church, Fourever) and shared from I Peter 1. It was a great night and I got the opportunity to talk with many of the students and their families afterwards. I even got to talk with one man who was a former CIA operative. It’s always nice to get encouragement from people – especially from someone who probably knows where Jimmy Hoffa is. After the program, the staff took me out to eat where I was able to share a more extensive version of my Sling Blade impersonation. The photo was taken a few minutes before I took the stage. Thanks Ken, you’ve got a great group!

“FORTY-FEST” BLOG PART IV

Saturday morning we left the girls with Grandma and Pap Pap and drove to Baltimore. Laura’s Mom had reserved us a room at the Renaissance on the Inner Harbor, two tickets to the Orioles v Yankees Saturday and two tickets to the Sunday matinee of the Lion King at the Kennedy Center in D.C. We checked in and walked down to the Harbor to find some lunch. We decided to try out P.F. Chang’s because we had never been before. I tried my hand at chopsticks and we enjoyed some spicy chicken and steak with a side of shrimp and rice. I would highly recommend Chang’s for any date night.

We walked down to Camden Yards amidst a sea of Yankee fans. Almost an hour went by before we saw an Oriole hat, but the New Yorkers kept coming and coming. Even with their team in third place, nine games behind the mighty Tampa Rays, the Bronx Bomber fan base is loyal and fanatical. Our seats were great. Ten rows back, just off the plate in the right hand batters box. I explained to Laura that in Baltimore, there is a time-honored tradition during the singing of the National Anthem. When the singer belts out the  “Oh” in “Oh, say does that Star Spangled Banner yet waive?” the entire home crowd shouts “O!!!” as loud as they can in tribute to their beloved “O’s” (the nickname of the Orioles). After hearing this sudden, abrupt and loud call, Laura thanked me for saving her from a coronary.

 

 

 

 

 

For the next three hours, Laura and I talked baseball, ate hotdogs and talked about our kids while the Yankees topped the O’s 5-3. The game was entertaining; The Orioles manager was ejected, there were a few controversial calls and we saw several Yankees, including Jason Giambi, belt homeruns. But the real show took place in the row behind us. An older Baptist minister and two of his old friends sat behind us and provided conversation that was a mix of the dinner table scenes in the “Nutty Professor” and the barber shop trio from “Coming to America.” The minister’s voice was an exact replica of Sherman Klumpp. During one meeting at the mound with the Orioles pitcher, catcher and coach, the minister said, “Oh Sweet Lord in heaven, they’re havin’ a prayer meetin.’ You Yankees better watch out now!” 

Here is the dialogue from another conversation they had;

Old man #1              “Hey man, I think I see Bill Russell over there.”

Old man #2             “Where do you see Bill Russell?”

Minister                   “Huh? You seein’ who?”

Old man #1            “Bill Russell. Right over there, black hat, white beard, Bill Russell.”

Minister                  “Aww man, what’s wrong wiff you? Bill Russell is a black man!”

Old man #1            “I know what color Bill Russell is!”

Old man #2            “Well that ain’t Bill Russell!”

Old man #1            “Yes it is!”

Old man #2            “No it ain’t!

Old man #1            “Yes, it is!”

Minister                  “Oh no, uh uh, that most definitely is not Bill Russell.”

Old man #1            (frustrated) “Hmm!”

Old man #2            “You didn’t see no Bill Russell.”

These conversations went on all night. It was awesome. The minister joked in good fun with quick wit and clean language all night. He even shared his faith with a guy from Brooklyn that sat across the isle from us. It was nice to sit in front of a Christian who was real, not embarrassing. The world needs more people like Pastor Singleton.

Sunday we drove to the Kennedy Center to see the final performance of “The Lion King.” It was amazing. The costumes, the way they created the animals and the performers were equally impressive. The thing I was most astonished by, however, was the flooring. I felt the same way about the flooring years ago when I went to see “Phantom of the Opera.” It was amazing. I was taken by how cliffs and grass and mountains seemed to grow out of the floor, but more impressively was the fact that these platforms could support the weight of so many dancers.

After the musical, Laura and I drove to one of my top ten dives in America. Geppetto’s is an Italian place in Bethesda, Maryland. I got a Sicilian pizza there back in 1998 while working for Bachrach menswear and I never forgot. Only one other place has ever caused me to light up in love over their pizza (Babe’s Pizza in Brandon, Florida).  Simply put, Geppetto’s offers up a pizza experience that is both indescribable and stimulating. Oh yes, it’s that good. More on the vacation finale later.

“FORTY-FEST” BLOG PART III

On Friday we had a little family get together to celebrate my impending date with “40.” There were family, friends, baked beans, hot dogs, blueberry dessert and cake with black icing. Black icing is a must as you can see by Katie’s picture below. Here are a few photos from the big bash!

“FORTY-FEST” BLOG PART II

Hershey Park, Pennsylvania was always a part of my childhood so on Thursday we took the girls for a fun day in Chocolate World! It was the absolute best. If you have children, just remember, these fun times will go with them their entire lives. We laughed a lot, ate ice cream and took lots of pictures. But we also learned a lot at Hershey Park. Allow me to share some parental wisdom for theme parks. 1.) ALWAYS BRING EXTRA SHIRTS. The moment we arrived Adrienne decided she didn’t really want her breakfast anymore. We had just entered the park and already I was covered in lung butter. 2.) TAKE YOUR TIME. Kids have short legs. Katie’s legs are like those of Verne Troyer (the actor famous for his “Mini-Me” character in the Austin Powers flicks). Map your activities carefully or you won’t get to them all. 3.) NEVER USE THE “FOOTBALL HOLD” ON A BABY WITH SONIC DIARRHEA. We stood in line for one of the water attractions for about an hour and just as we were cleared to enter, Adrienne decides to blow mud. By the time I got her to the changing rooms, my forearms, biceps and shirt sleeve wished I had held her in a  different position (Again refer back to the afore mentioned lesson #1). 4.) NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE WILL OF A 4 YEAR-OLD. “Mommy, Daddy, I want to go on the big roller coaster!!!” Brooklyn has always been a child with will. Laura took her on the Trailblazer, which is a moderate adult coaster, thinking one trip would probably scar her for life or at least make her think twice before going back on. As the ride ended, Laura looked at Brooke for the verdict. Brooke flapped her wings with excitement and crowed, “We gotta’ go again!!!” So they did. It was a great day. The girls got to see how chocolate is made, Adrienne got to ride her first theme park rides and Mommy and Daddy got to enjoy it all!

“FORTY-FEST” BLOG PART I

Last Tuesday, Laura and I and the girls left Tennessee to go on a special vacation my wife had planned for me. You see, as much as I hate to admit this, I am celebrating 40 years of life and this trip was to commemorate this feat. Ah … 40. That magical age when the term “Daily Double” refers to prune juice and an enema. “Forty is the entry way into oldness,” my wife says. And while I have spent more time on this earth than King Tut, Joan of Arc, Billy the Kid, Jim Morrison, Tupac, and Jesus, I don’t feel bad about it. As a matter of fact, I am embracing it. I can do lots of things I couldn’t do before. I can mow in striped shorts, argyle socks and dress shoes. I can have gas and pretend to not hear it. Heck, I can even ride around town playing Simon and Garfunkel really loud with my windows down – after all, I’m forty! So we journeyed to Hagerstown, Maryland (the place of my birth) and started a nostalgic trip down memory lane (or in my case, memory loss lane). This first picture is of my return to my beloved South Hagerstown High School – GO REBELS!!! Even Brooke and Katie showed some school spirit. More to come soon!!!

 

GET MY “BIG MAC” SONG FOR FREE!!!

From today until Monday morning at 9 a.m., I am giving away a free song to anyone who visits my blog and leaves their email address as a comment to this post! I will not bother you past sending you an mp3 of “Big Mac” from my 2001 release, “Tales from the Life of a Simple Chicken.” So tell your family, friends and even people you don’t like about this offer for a free mp3! You can find other songs for download by going to iTunes and typing in “Tony Wolf.”

SO YOU THINK MICHAEL PHELPS IS A WINNER?

Yesterday morning I was digging into some emails and business stuff when the phone rings. One of my friends, David, says, “Hey man! Drop everything and get down here to Moe’s! It’s their grand opening and the first one hundred customers get free burritos for one year!” Laura was about to take Katie to the doctors, which meant I was in charge of Brooklyn and Adrienne. I grabbed Adrienne by one arm and ran for my keys and wallet, “To the van Brooklyn!” I commanded. “What’s going on?” Laura asked in a panic. “Free burrito’s for a year!!! I must not be denied!!! I’m taking the baby!!!” As I rushed passed her with the velocity of the Flash, the music from “Chariots of Fire” became the soundtrack in my mind. Though I was running faster than an old man to an outhouse, everything seemed in slow motion. I barely noticed my wife’s plea with heavy reverb, “Thhhaaaaahhh bbaaaaaabbbbeeeeee nnneeeeeeeeedddssssss pppaaaaaannnnntttsssss!!!!!” (also in slow motion). I lobbed my kids into the mini-van and did my best Tony Stewart through the subdivision. Fifty eight seconds later I was at Moe’s. I leaped from the van and sprinted towards the line … then I went back to the van, grabbed the kids and sprinted towards the line. A man in a Moe’s polo shirt wrote a number on a post-it note. He licked his thumb and deliberately reached for the pad. My eyes bulged from my head in anticipation. My heart scuttled furiously as questions emerged in my mind and saliva gathered in the front of my mouth aware of the cheesy goodness that was on the line. “Was I too late?” “Was the number between 1 and 100?” “Who would I sack if my number was 101?” “What could I have done differently?” “Should I have put pants on the baby?” “How would I live with myself if I was not in time?” His hand cupped the note, he pulled it from it’s place, and as our eyes rose they met on a plane only broken by his measured grin. His hand turned and extended the minuscule memo. 86. 86. 86!!! “I made it?” I humbly asked. “Yes,” said the man, “you made it.” It was then that I realized that for the next year, I will not need financial assistance to enjoy the wonder that is a burrito. It may seem hard for you to comprehend, but I am the owner and possessor of a Moe’s lanyard that entitles me to free burrito’s for one year. As they placed the lanyard around my neck, given the time of this award, I could almost hear the chants “U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A” in the background. And I thought, “You got yours Mr. Phelps … I got mine.”

WILD AT HEART

I recently started reading “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge. This is the first book I’ve read by him and so far, I’ve really been taken back in time. I have found myself remembering so much of my childhood. I actually used to be an adventurous soul “back in the day.” When I say “back in the day” I’m talking 1975, when I was a seven year-old trying to imitate Evel Knievel on my brand new bike. I would put cinderblocks underneath a 2X8 and attempt to jump basketballs, toy dump trucks and even cats when they crossed my path. I thought I would be a stunt man some day. That theme has followed me throughout my life. At age 12 my favorite show was “The Fall Guy” (Lee Majors as the stuntman/bounty hunter Colt Seavers). As a high school senior, me and my friend Rob used to jump off of our neighbors two story house into their swimming pool. At age 22 I fractured my collarbone while attempting to catch a falling telephone pole. And just yesterday … well, let’s just say, you should always be careful anytime you sit down near the colored pencils in a four year-olds play room – talk about a near adventure! All that to say, I want to be more adventurous again. The book has already made me ask questions like, “Why don’t I ride bikes anymore?” “Why did I give up basketball?” “Why not get on a horse or buy a motorcycle?” “Why not plan a secret weekend where I take my wife away on a surprise journey?” “Why not be more transparent and open about my passions and beliefs?” “Why can’t I be masculine and, at the same time, more intimately connected to Jesus?” “When did I stop dreaming?” I am only in chapter two, and with so many thoughts provoked so far, I will be completely disappointed if this thing dies in chapter three. I can’t imagine that happening. I will post a review and more thoughts when I finish it.

Over The Weekend

This weekend I had a date with four gorgeous girls at Pinkerton Park in Franklin. We had sandwiches, chips and cookies on our giant Titans blanket (you don’t think I’d actually put a Dolphins blanket on the ground, do you?). We played a little soccer, used the swings and explored the park. Afterwards, we cooled off at Dippin’ Dots with some ice cream and chalk drawing. There really isn’t much that can top a family day at the park; especially when you are the lone male hanging with four beautiful ladies! Life is good!!!