SO YOU THINK MICHAEL PHELPS IS A WINNER?

Yesterday morning I was digging into some emails and business stuff when the phone rings. One of my friends, David, says, “Hey man! Drop everything and get down here to Moe’s! It’s their grand opening and the first one hundred customers get free burritos for one year!” Laura was about to take Katie to the doctors, which meant I was in charge of Brooklyn and Adrienne. I grabbed Adrienne by one arm and ran for my keys and wallet, “To the van Brooklyn!” I commanded. “What’s going on?” Laura asked in a panic. “Free burrito’s for a year!!! I must not be denied!!! I’m taking the baby!!!” As I rushed passed her with the velocity of the Flash, the music from “Chariots of Fire” became the soundtrack in my mind. Though I was running faster than an old man to an outhouse, everything seemed in slow motion. I barely noticed my wife’s plea with heavy reverb, “Thhhaaaaahhh bbaaaaaabbbbeeeeee nnneeeeeeeeedddssssss pppaaaaaannnnntttsssss!!!!!” (also in slow motion). I lobbed my kids into the mini-van and did my best Tony Stewart through the subdivision. Fifty eight seconds later I was at Moe’s. I leaped from the van and sprinted towards the line … then I went back to the van, grabbed the kids and sprinted towards the line. A man in a Moe’s polo shirt wrote a number on a post-it note. He licked his thumb and deliberately reached for the pad. My eyes bulged from my head in anticipation. My heart scuttled furiously as questions emerged in my mind and saliva gathered in the front of my mouth aware of the cheesy goodness that was on the line. “Was I too late?” “Was the number between 1 and 100?” “Who would I sack if my number was 101?” “What could I have done differently?” “Should I have put pants on the baby?” “How would I live with myself if I was not in time?” His hand cupped the note, he pulled it from it’s place, and as our eyes rose they met on a plane only broken by his measured grin. His hand turned and extended the minuscule memo. 86. 86. 86!!! “I made it?” I humbly asked. “Yes,” said the man, “you made it.” It was then that I realized that for the next year, I will not need financial assistance to enjoy the wonder that is a burrito. It may seem hard for you to comprehend, but I am the owner and possessor of a Moe’s lanyard that entitles me to free burrito’s for one year. As they placed the lanyard around my neck, given the time of this award, I could almost hear the chants “U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A” in the background. And I thought, “You got yours Mr. Phelps … I got mine.”