GET A FREE MP3 – “EATING SIAMESE” HERE!

Hey! Want a free Tony Wolf mp3? Simply sign up this weekend by leaving a comment and I will gift you a copy of my latest CD single release “Eating Siamese” through iTunes following a drawing Monday morning. It’s a song about the dangers of eating Chinese gourmet. Also, be looking on the blog soon for an announcement about my new CD to be released in 2010! Good luck and, in the words of a wise old man, “Always put your trash in the trash can.”

MICHAEL JACKSON 1958-2009

I remember every song on my dad’s Jackson 5 vinyl. I remember watching my TV on March 25, 1983 and saying to my Dad, “Wow! Did you see that? What is he doing?!” (like he had just turned into a cow or something) – no one had ever seen anything like the ‘Moonwalk’ before that night. I remember watching the premier of the “Thriller” video at my friend Rob’s house and how everyone at school was talking about it for weeks after. I remember hearing “We Are The World” and wondering how they convinced so many stars to sing on the same song. I remember hearing “Man In The Mirror” for the first time. I remember the first time I saw the “Bad” video, watching the “Black And White” video premier at college, hearing “Jam” for the first time and listening to the HIStory project while traveling through Kansas with Jay Banks back in the 90’s. I remember watching Michael sing “Heal the World” at the Super Bowl. I remember hearing “You Are My Life” playing in the church about ten minutes before I walked out to marry Laura. I remember my friend Rick calling me on my cell last week, “Did you hear about Michael Jackson?” “No,” I said. I will always remember seeing and hearing his daughter speak at the Memorial yesterday. This is how I will always remember Michael Jackson – with amazement and admiration; MJ was certainly one of the greatest entertainers of our time.

NEW GUITAR

After 15 years with my Ovation round back guitar I am looking at buying a new one. I actually have been looking for a while. Saturday, I sat down at a shop here in Indianapolis and played about a dozen guitars before I picked up an Ibanez Montage. The guitar has a few different modes from pure acoustic using the Piezo pickup to a clean electric using the magnetic pickup and a blend of both but it also has onboard DSP for distortion, chorus and reverb as well as phase canceling, dual notch filter and tuner. I know some of you who aren’t guitar players or musicians are surely saying, “Huh?” Sorry about that. I’ll just say, it is a really cool guitar. It is also very affordable (in the $600 category). I feel pretty confident that I will secure one of these by the fall. Now I just need to decide on a color. Keep in mind that my Ovation is black.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GET TONY’S NEW SINGLE ON ITUNES!!!

 

My new song, “Eating Siamese” (a parody of the 1980 Vapors hit “Turning Japanese”) was released today on iTunes. Just click on the link to the left of this article (GET TONY’S MUSIC) and you will immediately be taken to my iTunes artist page. You can get a “Best of” CD I released last spring as well as the new single. You can listen to samples before you buy. This downloadable music makes for a great Christmas gift. Tony’s music offers a good way to unwind on the way to or home from work. And what better way to say “I love you” than with the gift of a Tony Wolf song? Please support our ministry and snag the new single!

Indianapolis is cold

We are settled in our new home in Westfield, Indiana … and we are considering not going back outside until May. It is a bit chilly here. This morning when I drove to church it was 7 degrees and windy. Tonight when I returned from the grocery store, it was 0 degrees and really windy. Here is what yahoo weather shows for Westfield tonight;

Tonight: Bitterly cold. Windy and becoming cloudy late. Dangerous wind chills as low as -25F. Low -4F. Winds W at 20 to 30 mph.

As I said before, it is cold here. It’s really cold when you are bald. A man with a naked dome should not go outside when living in Indiana in the winter. This is a picture of me just after I returned home from the grocery store today. Like the scarf? Yeah, it’s pretty sweet. I got it on sale at Target. In all seriousness, while we are going to have to adjust, we really like it here. The girls like their new house, their new church and classes. Our church has been wonderful beyond words. That’s all for now. I have to go scrape the ice off of my head and throw my scarf in the dryer.

ADRIENNE IN A CAST

 

I’ve never been in a cast. Laura hasn’t either. Brooklyn and Katie have never broken a bone. But Adrienne can now lay claim to the first broken bone in our family. Long story short, Laura and I noticed her favoring her left wrist a bit and thought “better safe than sorry.” We took her to the doctor today and, after an examination and some X-Rays, found out that she had a wrinkle fracture in her left wrist. For the whole story please see my wife’s blog at http://www.lauralwolf.blogspot.com/

(Adrienne before the doctors appointment)

 

 

 

 

Brooklyn actually dislocated her elbow at, of all places, the emergency room when we were having Adrienne. I told Laura today, “Brooke dislocated her arm, Adrienne fractured hers … I think it’s time we kick Katie’s butt!” Of course I jest. Anyway, here are a couple pictures of our sweet, brave little girl Adrienne today pre-cast and post-cast.

 

(Adrienne after casting. The cast is hard and does damage to things like TV stands, toys and Daddy’s skull!!!)

SOUL REVOLUTION

Recently our Senior Minister Richard Clark asked me (and our staff and leadership) to begin reading a book by John Burke called “Soul Revolution.” Since I am in Indianapolis this weekend, there is snow covering the ground, it’s about 35 below zero outside and I am used to the more southern climates of Tennessee and Florida, I am trying to read this book (or as much as I can of it) today. The book challenges its readers to stay connected to God by spending time with Him at least once every sixty minutes (of every waking hour) for sixty days. As I have read through the first couple of chapters, I have already been challenged by many of Burke’s questions. While this book is already encouraging me to think about the things I desire in life, it isn’t striking me as prosperity gospel. Burke stresses rather that our relationships (first and foremost with God) are the key to life’s fulfillment. Relationships, of course flourish with communication and time spent. As I sit here and think how great it would be to spend some quality time with my wife consistently or how much my girls would like Daddy’s attention once an hour every day, I like the equation presented by Burke as it applies to my relationship with God. This will be new for me (as I’m sure it will be for most who’d accept this challenge). I’ll let you know what happens after I finish the book and go through the program!

SUGAR AND SPICE AND ALL THINGS NICE?

 

 

 

Whoever said that never spent any time with little girls. I thought having three kids without a boy meant I would bypass the really gross stuff. I’m not talking about diapers or even spit up, the stuff that all mom’s and dad’s should be there for. I’m talking about the things that could gag a maggot or cause a pig to get sick. Let me share some insight into the world of little girls from my optical camera over the past few years.

 

 

 

 

 

(Adrienne eating a chocolate doughnut)

 

PLAYING WITH ‘POOH’ – As though it’s not bad enough that kids can’t always control their bowels on a fairly regular basis, my girls have often thought it a good idea to put their hands in it. Why? It’s really not like play-dough or anything … at least not all the time. Adrienne is the worst with this. Every time I have to change one of her #2 diapers, we play a little game. The game is called “Who Can Reach the Butt First?” Each time Adrienne grabs her cheeks before I can stop her, she laughs and looks at me as if to say, “Ha!!! In your face Daddy!” And I can’t help but think, “You win Adrienne … I guess.” Brooke once did something so grotesque that I really can’t bring myself to type it into this blog but it definitely would belong in this section.

 

BOOGIE MONSTERS – Is it normal for girls to chase each other with boogers? It can’t be! It just can’t! Boys are expected to chase each other with their nose matter, fling it, flick it and even eat it – but not girls!!! “No, no, no, no, no,” a petrified Katie shrieks in the back of our van. “What Katie?” I say. “Bookie is gonna’ put her boogas’ on me!” The fact that I actually have to say things like, “Brooke, don’t put your boogers on Katie” is wrong considering that I have three sweet little princesses.

 

GREEN BACON – A couple years back, Laura called me when I was on the road and said, “You’ll never believe what Brooke just ate.” “What?” I said. “Bacon,” said Laura. Bacon? Okay, nothing weird or gross about that, right? But then I started thinking, “We hardly ever buy bacon.” “Laura,” I said, “When is the last time you bought bacon?” “Four months ago,” she said. “Brooke was gnawing on a four-month old green piece of bacon.” I nearly drove off the side of the road. “She wouldn’t give it back to me either,” Laura said. “I had to wrestle it away from her.” She apparently found a piece of bacon that fell down the side of the stove or somehow got under the oven. Can you imagine?

 

CHEMICAL WEAPONS – Hardened wet eye goop. Cup holders containing a mixture of chicken nuggets, moldy old cookies and stagnant lemonade. Gas that could literally sicken a cow. Kisses that have more spit than a boxers bucket. Yesterdays macaroni and cheese that has been heaved back up and into the crib or backseat of the car. Ear wax that looks more like a Cheeto. Drink cups with chunky floaties. This doesn’t even include bathroom items. Sometimes it’s like we live with three of those little pet monkeys than girls.

 

GRAPE JELLY CHEESEBURGER – Today I took my girls out for a Happy Meal at McDonalds. My oldest daughter Brooklyn stood up from her cheeseburger and said, “I’ll be back dad, I have to order something.” I thought, “She has no cash, this could be entertaining.” She walked out of the play area and up to the registers where she proceeded to gesture to a smiling lady behind the half wall. The lady handed Brooke some small white packets. “Ketchup. What a smart girl,” I thought. Brooklyn hopped up next to me and said, “Mmmmm, Jelly!” I looked next to me as my sweet little girl covered her cheeseburger with grape jelly before I could stop her. “Gross,” I said. She smiled as she bit into the bun. With cheese, ketchup, dehydrated onions and purple jelly on her lips she said, “deeeelicious!” Katie reached across the table and said, “Mmmm, Brooke let me try!” Brooke handed her a jelly packet and Katie began to paint her burger purple. Brooke apparently told the cashiers her plan because they were pointing and laughing from behind the glass that separated us. People in the restaurant started noticing and leaving. I couldn’t watch my own daughters eat. I probably should’ve stopped them. Instead, I looked at Adrienne, now 17 months, with ketchup and drool soaked bread all over her face and said, “you are my only hope.” It was disgusting.

 

Laura and I have cleaned our carpets so many times. Pee, Cherry Kool-Aid, spit up, Jelly, poop, chocolate, blood, cheese-whiz, scrambled eggs, orange stuff from a certain family member though we’re not sure from which orifice, boogers, squished unidentifiable objects, you name it. Now even if a 500-pound old man would come inside my home and vomit into a wood chipper, we would be ready for that clean up job and not one bit grossed out.

TURKEY DAY IS HERE!!!

Ahhhhh, Thanksgiving. A truly underrated holiday. For forty years I have enjoyed this festive annual celebration. I love Thanksgiving! And with many a good reason. Think about the many wonderful things that are possible on this day; Cranberry Sauce. Snow. Charlie Brown television special. Special visits from strange distant relatives. Turkey. Playing football. Parades. Mashed potatoes. Warm blankets. Nap. Bowling. Friends. Watching football. More nap. Publicly and legally unbuttoning your pants. Leftovers. Leon Lett. And on and on and on.

 

 

I’m not as much of a historian as I’d like to be so I don’t know a lot about Thanksgiving. I know the basics; Spaniards, settlers, Indians, Plymouth and George Washington. But that’s it really. Here is what I DO know and what I can count on nearly every Thanksgiving;

 

 

1. I will watch a parade. I’m not sure why I will watch a parade, I just know that I will. If it’s the huge Bart Simpson balloon, seeing Macy’s or the musical appearances (from the likes of Men without Hats to Donny Osmond to Miley Cirus), but something draws me in every year.

 

 

2. I will witness about 5 minutes of a meaningless College Football game. College football is and will always be ridiculous until there is a playoff system. However, never is the folly of College football more evident than around Thanksgiving. These games will help a handful of senior citizens somewhere determine who plays in the even more ridiculous bowl games. You know, the all important Canada Dry Ginger Ale Bowl. “The winner of today’s contest will get a bid to the Peanut Butter Captain Crunch Bowl.” The Metamucil Fiber Bowl, the Cheesecake Factory Bowl, the Preparation H Bowl and etc. Nice.  

 

3. I will gain at least 13 pounds. Seriously, I will gain 13 pounds. Thanksgiving is the one day each year that you have to eat a little bit of everything. Pumpkin pie, sauerkraut, dump cake, marble bread, white meat, dark meat, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes … One thing is for sure; I am going straight Viking on that Thanksgiving table. I will eat like I have a hole in my neck. I will have no respect for the table. Straight Viking.

 

4. I will realize there is something I need from the grocery store that I don’t have. It is unavoidable. Every year. Something. One Thanksgiving during my bachelor years, I actually said, “Turkey? We need a turkey? Uuugghh.”

 

5. I will watch a Detroit Lions football game. The Lions are 33-33-2 in their 68 Turkey Day games. However, it seems like every year the Lions get manhandled. I remember a year when Barry Sanders ran wild on the Patriots, but every other year the Lions lose. I mean that 33-33 stat can’t be right can it? I’m telling you the Lions always lose by like 45 points on Thanksgiving. Tomorrow’s prediction; Titans 121, Lions 3.

 

6. I will be involved in making and serving the meal. I’ve always helped out on Thanksgiving. Last year stunned me though. Here’s my little Thanksgiving time capsule for you;

1976 – My Mom says, “Help me set the table son.”

1987 – My friend Jay says, “Can you stir the potatoes?”

1998 – Another friend Greg says, “Does the turkey look done?”

2007 – My wife says, “Ever stuffed a turkey?” This was followed by a half an hour of me getting elbow deep in the birds’ backside. Good times.

 

 

7. I will hear someone say, “That bird is moist.” I’ve eaten some dry turkeys in my day. I remember about ten years ago eating a turkey that was dryer than a tube sock. I won’t say where I was but everyone there kept saying, “That bird is moist.” Moist? Moist? Are you serious? Moist? Yeah, moist if you normally eat sand.

 

8. I will play football. It may not be sandlot tackle football with my high school friends like I played back in the 80’s. But I still play football. Two years ago this forty year-old started a tradition of having a football game in the backyard with the girls. Last year Katie returned a kickoff for a touchdown (while I was holding Brooke down tickling her).

 

9. I will hear the word “Gobble.” Enough already. Memo to dorks, idiots and older ladies who think saying “Gobble, Gobble” is cute; IT’S NOT CUTE. If you find yourself walking up to someone tomorrow saying “Gobble, gobble” it is time to regroup. My advice to you if you say “Gobble, gobble” at any point tomorrow; feel free to hit yourself square in the face with a hammer. 

 

 

10. I will begin to fantasize about Christmas … and what I will be receiving.                 

 

 

 

That’s all I got for tonight … Happy Thanksgiving people and remember the Viking Code – Do not respect the table!               

TRADING SPACES

We finally got a contract on our house in Tennessee and found a house that we have a contract on in Indiana. The market made selling our current house challenging and less lucrative than we had hoped but we are thankful that we were able to sell. The inspector comes Wednesday, and barring there being something under our house (a termite colony, indian burial ground, Jimmy Hoffa, etc.) we are good to go! Our new house is in Westfield, Indiana (pictured). We are in the Countryside area of Westfield about three miles from Central and twenty minutes north of Lucas Oil Stadium! We are excited about our kids growing up in this home and in our new church. Looks like our girls will be Westfield Shamrocks instead of Carmel Greyhounds (which will be rough during football season). We close on December 18 here in Tennessee and December 19 in Indy. Pray for us as we transition with three little girls. Moving is stressful, involved, expensive and consuming. It’s enough to drive a man cross-eyed.